The Order of Command
The Powers of the Trumpet Section Leader
The "Powers" of Woodwinds
The Powers of Trumpets
The Laws of Etiquette
Other Laws of Importance

The Order of Command:

The events in the band are handled by an orderly and bureaucratic system of power and rule. The ranks of this chain of command are listed below. In a given section, the order of command goes from highest chair to lowest. In this way, there shall always be a backup plan for any problems which may occur.

The Trumpet Section Leader
Trumpets
Omnipotent Deities (oops, already listed them!!!)
Trumpet Alumni
Brass Alumni
Honorary Woodwind (Soprano Sax)
Valve Trombones
Baritones / Euphoniums
Tubas
Trombones
Mellophones / French Horns
Honorary Brass (Bari Saxes)
Percussion Alumni
Percussion
Woodwind Alumni
Martians
Saxophones (Tenor, Alto)
Clarinets
Flutes
Oboe
Piccolo
Assistant Directors
Those Guys Who Come to "Help Out"* During the Summer Rehearsals
* - "Help Out" meaning- I'm old, I'm single, I want to meet new girls

The Powers of the Trumpet Section Leaders

TSL-1 The Trumpet Section Leaders are exempt from any and all rules they don't feel like following with the exception of TSL-1 and all THB class rules.

TSL-2 a. All persons of rank lower than the omnipotent deities attempting to give themselves rights shall be deported to Singapore for trial and punishment.
b. All persons not reporting to Singapore shall listen to the Brians practice scales for one-half-hour.

TSL-3 All music, both in concert season and marching season, shall be selected by the Trumpet Section Leaders.

TSL-4 The Trumpet Section Leaders have the exclusive right to determine what pep band songs to play and when.

TSL-5 A penalty of death is an option always available to the Trumpet Section Leaders.

TSL-6 ONLY the Trumpet Section Leaders may in any way modify or misinterpret these rules. All interpretations are subject to the whim of the Trumpet Section Leaders.

TSL-7 No freshman may EVER obtain the title of Trumpet Section Leader.

TSL-8 Contrary to common belief, the trumpet section leaders were never freshmen.

The "Powers" of Woodwinds

WIN-1 a.The only people with fewer rights than freshman are woodwinds.
b.Yes, this means that woodwinds have LESS than no rights.

WIN-2 Should a woodwind attempt to be cool, they shall be placed in solitary confinement until they have regained their sanity.

WIN-3 a. Asking a woodwind, other than those designated as honorary brass by the trumpet section leader, any question requiring an intelligent answer, shall be illegal.
b.In an emergency, the above law shall be voided on a per case basis with written consent from the Trumpet Section Leader.

WIN-4 The words loser and woodwind may be used interchangeably.

WIN-5 a. No woodwind shall be given an unaccompanied solo greater than 5 sec. in length, for any reason.
b. Should a woodwind desire a solo longer than the allotted 5 sec, he/she must be accompanied by a brass player (preferably a trumpet player).

WIN-6 Siblings of woodwinds shall have the right to band-subsidized therapy.

The Powers of Trumpets

TRM-1 During tuning, the tuner shall be re-calibrated so that the trumpets shall always be in tune.

TRM-2 a. Tempo shall be determined by neither the director nor the drum majors, but solely by the trumpets.
b.Any trumpet repeatedly playing a tempo which does not in any way relate to that of his fellow trumpets shall be awarded the Squad 9 award, to be presented at the band awards banquet.

TRM-3 Whenever the trumpets are playing Pep Band music, they are by definition playing melody.

TRM-4 a. When a trumpet player has lost all sense of rhythm and melody in a song, they shall immediately begin alternating between any first and open notes above C.
b. Should a trumpet player be unable to play notes above C, they shall be stripped of their horn and immediately denoted as an honorary woodwind with no possibility of parole.

TRM-5 All trumpet players incapable of reaching C above the treble clef by the end of marching season their junior year shall be permanently barred from the wind symphony.

TRM-6 No trumpet shall ever be used to create the image of rustling wind.

TRM-7 Horse whinnies may be performed only by certified personnel.

The Laws of Etiquette

ETI-1 a. Arrogance in the trumpet ranks is strictly forbidden.
b. This rule shale not be applicable to those enrolled in public schools, private schools, home-schooling, or the alumni of these schools. This law shall also be void for all males, females, and aliens from planets you've probably never even heard of yet.

ETI-2 a. Obeying the orders of an assistant directory can and will be punishable by death.
b. In the event of an extreme emergency, the aforementioned law shall be ignored. A status of emergency may only be declared by the section leaders.

ETI-3 All players of rank equal to or higher than honorary brass shall be addressed by the first name of the person, the conjunction, "of," and the person's instrument, as in Jim of Tuba.

Other Laws of Importance

OTH-1 a. Make no mistake about it: Freshmen Have NO Rights.
b. This rule shall be revoked for any freshman Trumpet Section Leader.
c. Since there never will be a freshman Trumpet Section Leader, ignore clause B.

OTH-2 Sale of the magic lip-rejuvenation potion to minors shall be strictly forbidden.